Statement of Future Planning and Possible Migration

Dear Viewers of C86 Say Chise!:

I am very pleased and sorry to announce that, in the foreseeable future, this site will no longer be updated with new new contents and may be possibly closed down if there such situation continues.

This decision, or situation, is caused by the recent positive development of my clinical depression as well as the tightening of my future planning. Currently, besides persuading my academic excellence, I am also actively maintaining C86 AyanamiCore as well as the Ultramarine Wings. They both take up a great amount of time.

If an permeant shutdown is decided, then a copy of this site will be made and sent to ACUnion Kizunami’s Archiv. You will be automatically redirected to the Archiv when using your old link.

Thank you for your understanding, and for your accompany throughout these hard years.

Chise Hachiroku

I was not able to recognise at the beginning –

but the final phase of this situation,

is a state of mind where nothing matters,

no concept matters, and

no one matters.

There will be no crying,

no screaming,

no shouting,

no anything,

Just doubts, doubts and doubts,

asking the same question over and over again

yet reluctant to accept the answer known for long.

Many many years ago,

I secretly decided,

that I shall live with my depression,

regardless of how I feel.

It is a bit strange to many,

but I firmly believe.

It makes me left vonerable,

but also makes me complete.

I could not imagine myself without it,

a friend so true and sincere.

Living with no accompany.

just don't know where to be.

Probably that's why I'm seeking,

searching for where the one may be.

But it always comes in failure,

don't see how to achieve.

Green and white and blue,

the colours of the meds.

I swallow them as told,

but loosing my self indeed.

There are things,

awful things,

I wish could be forgotten forever.

There are things,

alarming things,

I wish have never been done.

There are things,

sad things,

I wish could be told.

I wish I have never done things that I am regretting now.

Well, they are not incorrect anyway.

It is me who is not prepared,

instead of anyone else.

Say or not say,

it’s a forever question.

Question of life,

question of love.

To not live,

To not die,

To stay alive,

To numb,

To not cry.

If you think I am being stupid,

or being childish or silly,

then I could tell you this:

I am now more mature then ever before,

one who knows what he wants and gives.

Not responding means,

not responding.

It is working,

but not responding,

not suspended.

Respond is a choice,

to not respond,

is a choice as well.

But when not responding,

we shut and reboot.

When it comes to humans,

it’s death,

and rebirth.

You know me better,

I know me clearer,

This is the science of love.

Maybe nor together,

OK have lesser,

But in time we are all ever.

©2019-2021 Chise Hachiroku
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